Category: Joke Board
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling
water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will
instantly
remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting
someone
else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by
using the sink.
4. To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed
for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you
hit
the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then
you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If
it
doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't
move
and does, use the duct tape.
8. When confused remember, everyone seems normal until you
get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.
NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR
FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Hey slinky, I mean Bob, come here and help me with something on the stairs for a minute.
Hey Becky, do you have a bad cough?
Check out #6 above.
Bob
LOL, get away from me with that laxative.
But, but... you don't want to spread that cough around do you? Why not spread something else instead.
Bob
LOL you are gross.
Now Bob and Becky, give me that duck tape. For gosh's sake, that is no way to treat children. Taping them to the wall, that, is not baby sitting!
Lmao. You guys are hilarious.
Gemini, please excuse them. Bob and Becky are sufferers of a little known but
highly infectious disorder. I have a PHD (playerhater'sdegree) so I feel that my professional diagnosis should be sufficient to put your mind at ease. The CDC has everything under control. These two suffer from BS. It is a common disorder, most have it, but the symtoms are hard to pin point to the disorder. BS effects one out of every three people. Be advised, we at the CDC are closely monitoring these two. The CDC has mandated these two remain on house arrest and are medacated to make sure that the disorder remains under control with medacation. Please also be advised these two arn't armed, but they are dangerous. Do not approach them if you see them in public. Please contact your nearest authority or the pound, if no authority can be reached. Thank you for your continued cooperation in insuring the safety of yourself and those around you.
Signed
click.
The pound? Maybe for Bob, but certainly not for me.
The pound? You are barking up the wrong tree.
Becky, guess what that medicine the CDC gave you was? See number 6 in the first post.
Nem, you are suffering from dilusions of grandeur, I fear. Let me suggest #6 above, it's not just for coughs anymore.
Bob